Soo tired but worth it!

I'm a tired momma! But that's to be expected I guess! Liam decided he wanted to do 2 hour feedings last night. Amazing how and hour to hour and half makes such a difference with sleep. It seems like a lot has been going on but I think it's because all my days are running together.

We had Liam's 1 month check up. Everything is going well. He's 9lbs 8oz and 23 inches long. He's in the 97th percentile for his height. We are going to start seeing a Urologist because his left testicle hasn't descended yet. It's in the canal and the doctor was able to feel it and grab it (ouch!) but not where it needs to be yet. Hopefully it will descend on its own but if not it will require a small procedure. He had a bad rash and I felt bad when we saw Dr. Bohleber. I thought it was baby acne but come to find out it was a yeast rash. Oops! I'm finding I am not a mom that freaks out about every little thing (surprisingly!) and this was one thing I just wrote off. We got some ointment and he is all cleared up now.

Liam is officially sleeping in his crib. I swore I wasn't going to do the bassinet because our house is so small and he wasn't going to be that far away from us anyways. But when I got home from the hospital my hormones were going crazy and Jay went out and bought us one. I finally decided it was time to move to the crib. As I said he is probably 20 ft (if that) away from us. Also, I was having to get up and take him in his room to nurse because I change his diaper and my rocker is in there. So it really wasn't like him sleeping in our room was allowing me to minimize us moving around. Also, he is starting to make all kinds of noises, especially when he sleeps. And daddy snores...at least I can hit him to stop. There were all kinds of noise going on and I need to get some sleep :)

We've introduced a bottle. I've started pumping in the morning and then if we give him a bottle I'll pump then as well. I wanted to get him use to a bottle in preparation for me going back to work. He didn't like it the first time, but he was overly hungry and just not having it. The second time we tried we made sure to try before his feeding time and he did great! Huge relief for me!! We also introduced the paci. I have mixed emotions on it. I think about all the stories I hear about trying to wean kids off pacifiers and I'd like to avoid it. I may try to take the paci away between 4-6 months and try to get him to use a blanket or something else to sooth himself. 

I'm doing pretty well with this new life. I miss adult interaction though!! Jay has had to work 2 weeks of 2nd/3rd shift and it really kills me. I also miss "me" time. However, I've got a deal with Jay that I get to go shopping Friday afternoon by myself while he takes Liam. I haven't had this opportunity since Liam was born with the exception of running to the doctor or grocery store really quick. I know "me" time isn't something that is going to happen as often but Jay and I are pretty good at recognizing when we both need a break. Also, Jay and I get to go on our first date this weekend. Probably just dinner but I look forward to it. One thing I've always heard is after you have a child is to make sure you put your marriage first. I really appreciate that and want to make sure we do.

We had newborn and family pictures done a couple weekends ago. We had Catchlight photography take the pictures. They came to the house and did them for us. It was a huge help that they came to the house. I'm so happy with the pictures. Liam did pretty good. I got peed on but that's to be expected when you've got a naked boy in your hands! Here's the link to the proofs: http://www.catchlightphotographyonline.com/Client-Proofing/Baby-Liam/17216905_dqvrc5#1306352263_BZ7NfN4

Time for sleep...until Liam wakes for the next feeding :)

Liam is here!

Liam is a month old today! Time really does fly by when you have kids. Time already seemed to be flying by but now it's been sped up by 10! I thought I'd share Liam's birth story. I found strength I never thought I had!

It all started on Saturday, April 16th. I thought I had been leaking amniotic fluid but wasn't really sure. It wasn't like I was having that gushing feeling so I kinda wrote it off that evening and went to bed. I woke up Sunday morning and was eating breakfast, getting ready for church and I was still having that leaking feeling. I woke up Jay and told him (yes, I am bad and didn't tell him the night before). He told me to call the doctor on call and see what they say. I got Dr. Ramsey and she said to be safe I should go to triage and have it checked out. I went to go tell Jay we were going to the hospital and I broke out in sobs of tears. Everything suddenly became reality that this kid was going to come out! He calmed me down and we got our bags and headed to the hospital. They did this first test to see if I was leaking fluid and the nurse said "it's mostly negative" but we'll do another test to make sure. At this point Jay and I think we're going home and started planning our day. Jay was going to play drums and get a fix in :). They did the next test and it was positive! The nurse comes in and says "you're going to have a baby today". WHAT!!?? I just had planned out my day, what do you mean I'm having a baby! I had tested positive for Group B Strep so I immediately got a bag of antibiotics so it would not pass to Liam when he was born. I wasn't having contractions just leaking so I got the dreaded drug pitocin. I really wasn't too excited about this. I wasn't dilated very much and my cervix was still pretty thick. I didn't get contractions until about 3pm and then it sucked! The pitocin made them so strong and back to back. I tried to hold off on and pain med or the epidural as long as I could. I first just took some pain meds but that didn't do anything for me. So about 5pm I got my epidural and then I was great! I got to nap and Jay got to watch the NBA playoffs. At 11pm I was fully dilated and got to start pushing. I pushed until Liam was born at 3:24am on April 18th. He was sunny side up instead of facing down so getting him out was a little bit more difficult. Dr. Ramsey ended up using the vacuum and forceps to help him out. At one point Dr. Ramsey said "you're going to have to push harder than that". Jay immediately started coaching me because he knew I had been pushing for 3 hours at this point and been working my tail off. I think he was afraid I might give her my thoughts in a not so nice way. But it really didn't bother me, it was that final push I needed to give it all I had. Jay was really concerned I was going to end up in a c-section because how long I had pushed. But Dr. Ramsey came in and saw how hard I was trying and tried the forceps instead. I still remember when Liam finally came out they went to show him to me and I had my eyes closed shut! They had to tell me to open them and look at him. I don't know if I was scared to see my new reality or I was just so exhausted from pushing. Liam had a cone head from me pushing on him for 3+ hours. He still has some marks on his head from it. He was 7.5 lbs and 20.5 inches long. Jay has some other funny stories about his birth but I'll let him tell them.

While I was getting stitched and cleaned up, Jay was taking pictures and got to hold him. Liam came out ready to eat! He's like his daddy! He was rooting and looking for some food. Jay was funny and said, "you need to get her cleaned up quick, he's ready to eat!". He is great at breastfeeding! He immediately latched on and went to town. I used the lactation consultants a ton while I was in the hospital. By the time we left I felt really good about it. He's been doing great! He's gaining weight and eats every 2-3 hours. He went through a growth spurt and went from 7lbs 12oz to 8lbs 11oz in less than a week.

It's pretty cool being a mom, exhausting at times but still great. I love seeing how he changes every day. He makes the greatest faces and starting to make funny sounds.I love my little wiggle worm!

In the home stretch!

I am 38 weeks 6 days today. We had a doctor appointment yesterday and found out I am 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced. It came with mixed emotions. First, I was in shock and I think my first thought was "holy crap". Second, I'm nervous as I've been this whole pregnancy. Third, I was excited. I really love my doctor. She's been really great about "playing the game" with me as she says. We really don't want an induction or c-section so she's letting me go as far as 1 week after my due date to have him. After that we get to have another chat. So we're happy with how everything is going so far.
 
Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited and ready. I always feel bad when people ask me this because I can't say I am over the moon excited. I'm scared out of my mind! I've said it before, labor doesn't scare me (as much), but I am scared about after the fact. I have a few things I've told Jay I am most worry about. He shares the whole anxiety about not having the first clue as to what we're doing. Everyone says we'll be great parents, I joke if we don't break this one, we'll talk about having a second one. My next worry is for me and postpartum. I know the "baby blues" will probably happen but because I was diagnosed with depression as a kid (I still don't think that is 100% correct) and I deal with anxiety on a regular basis I really fear postpartum is going to get a hold of me. I tell myself everyday worrying gets you no where but when with anxiety it will consume me some days and I really have to fight it. So this is what I have to keep telling myself as we face this new chapter in life:

Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."



 

Less than 11 weeks to go...

Time has been moving way too fast for me. Liam will be here before we know it! I have to say this probably won't be one of my more cheerful blogs. I've run into my anxiety face first and I am trying to brush it off but it isn't happening. I keep telling Jay, "Only 15 more weeks, 13 more weeks, now only 11 weeks and our little man will be here". People keep asking if I am anxious about labor and honestly that doesn't scare me one bit. I know what to expect from it, it's going to hurt. I can deal with physical pain. It's the having a child that we are responsible for that scares the crap out of me. People keep telling me, "You'll be fine, all a baby needs is a place to sleep, food, and your love". Honestly, that doesn't make me feel any better, if anything it kinda ticks me off. Most people know a first time parent is one of the most nerve racking things. You're responsible for this little life, you are responsible for trying to not to screw them up too much! I'm trying to read books and prepare myself on the basic necessities...how to bath him, trim his finger nails, care for his umbilical cord, circumcision etc... It's a lot to take in. I know none of these feelings are unique to just me or our pregnancy but it just sucks trying to prepare for something that you have no way to really prepare for. Yep, I'm a control freak.

    Breast feeding is becoming one of my top five things to be anxious about. I really want to breast feed for the first year. I know it's going to be challenging with me being a full time working mom. It will be better for him, better for me, cost saving and so the list goes on. I've really been trying to read up on everything I can about it. I think I worry most that I won't be able to push myself to stick it out when it gets tough. I worry I'll get selfish and give up on it and I'll end up disappointing myself. Jay and I are taking a class at the Women's Hospital at the end of the month so maybe this will move down my list of things to be anxious about.

   I'm really anxious about how Jay and I are going to make room for Liam in our small house. We made the decision not to move and I don't regret it (well, not completely). Our house is about 930 sq ft and no closet space. I kinda feel like we are the clowns at the circus that try to fit 20 clowns into a VW bug. We've taken lots of things to Goodwill and I still have plenty more to take. Liam's room is going to be a tight fit with only a dresser, crib, and rocking chair in it. Yes, I know newborns don't need a lot or take up much room. BUT you have to remember this is the first grandchild on both sides of our family. This kid is going to have more stuff than Michael Jackson's kids (might be a little exaggeration but not far from it). I've already had to tell my mom I wasn't bringing something home that she bought for him and it was staying at grandma's house. We've been trying to figure out what we're going to do about a dresser for Liam's room. I decided not to get the one that matches the crib at Babies R Us because they are small. Unfortunately, I will have to put some of my stuff in his dresser because we have NO closet space and small bedrooms. We found a dresser we liked but once we started measuring out Liam's room and where everything would go we soon realized his room will be a tight space. I immediately got frustrated and bring on the anxiety. Jay was trying to make me feel better and tell me this was temporary, we know we're going to move in the next two or three years and so on. But thinking about having to sell and buy a house just made me more anxious.

One of the most non beautiful things about being pregnant is the hormones. Again nothing enlightening but so true. I've not slept well the last couple nights and my hormones are coming out. I think I've been great through out my pregnancy and haven't had any of the ragging hormones I hear some people talk about. I feel like a combination of a 13 year old teenage girl, a 3 year old that hasn't had their nap, and a 80 year old disgruntle women. I HATE it.

Okay, I know this hasn't been a cheerful blog. I will end with some things that I absolutely love about pregnancy. I love getting to feel him move. Liam is a wiggle worm. He makes me laugh when I am in meetings (most people pass it off that I've lost my mind during this pregnancy) and I can see my belly jumping and moving. I love getting to lay on Jay and we watch my belly shift and turn and talk to him. I love getting to read to Liam. I've been reading "Horton Hears a Who". I look forward to getting to curl up with my little wiggle worm and read to him. I love getting to give him "music lessons" while in the womb. When I am running errands I will put a CD of one of my favorite bands and will sing and jam. Jay hopes Liam will play keyboard, guitar, or bass guitar. He wants to be able to jam with him. I love getting to think about what traits of mine and Jay's he will have. I pray he gets Jay's metabolism but not his picky eating habits. I hope he gets my nose but not my red hair. I hope he gets both of our sense of humor. Jay and I are two of the most goofy people when we're together. But I hope Liam gets Jay's outgoing personality. I'm an introvert and pray he doesn't have to deal with my social anxiety.

I know in the end everything will be fine and I have to give up control on everything I worry about. I know worrying gets me no where and I am more blessed than I ever deserve. Somedays it's just harder to have the cheerful outlook and easier to kick and pout :)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! It was a quiet one for myself. I hung out with Angie and Andy. Andy made a great dinner and we watched movies. It was low key and my style.

I had an USD and doctors appointment this past Thursday. Everything is great. Liam was so cute on the USD. He kept putting his hands in his face. In the USD we had early December he had his hands up by his face but now he's all about having them in his face. I got some great profile and 3D pics. He weighs 1.5 lbs. The doctor let me know he is normal and in the 74th percentile. My doctor's appointment was short and sweet as always. We go through the normal questions, any cramping, bleeding, or pain. No, No, No. Okay see you next time. My next visit will be a little more hectic. I have my glucose test and Rogan shot for my blood type of A-.

My hip is so much better. I can walk without pain. Sleeping is still a little difficult. I still seem to feel the pain then but it's a lot better. I should only have one more physical therapy visit. Yay for healing.

As of today, I am 24 weeks. Where has time gone!!! I don't have anything ready for Liam. Except some cute outfits but no room or furniture. The goal is once Jay gets back we will kick it in gear. I am falling more and more in love with my Liam which I never thought I'd feel. I was really worried I wouldn't connect with him till he is born. But getting to see him on the USD and feeling him move melts my heart.