Really, I'm pregnant.????

As of today I am 14w6d pregnant and I am still trying to wrap my brain around being pregnant. I've been very blessed that I haven't had any morning sickness or any other major pregnancy symptoms. I'm very thankful for this but I've really struggled with the idea "Yes, you really are going to have a baby in 6 months". I haven't felt pregnant or been as excited as I feel I should. I know part of it is because I was never one growing up saying "I want to be a mom" but I thought I would be more pumped than I am. I know this is because I'm scared out of my mind and that emotion has taken over me and I am going to have to give up control and take a back seat in all this (which I suck at).
I had a small scary moment at the doctors office last visit. She was trying to find the heart beat and couldn't get it. Me being myself, I automatically assume the worse! She tells me "Don't freak out, Kendra" and I was okay till I walked out the doctors office to go get an USD and I started crying. I was trying to pep talk myself and stop the tears from coming but I think it made it worse. I didn't have Jay or anyone else with me and I felt alone. I know that's not true but at that time that's all I felt. Well come to find out I have an anterior placenta and baby was fine. This was the first time I felt a connection with the baby and was thankful to go through the experience. The jelly bean was kicking and having it's own dance party in my uterus. It made me laugh and I finally got the connection I needed.
I told Jay I've started giving the jelly bean music lessons. When I'm in the car and a good song comes on, I turn up the volume and sing my heart out (and not in tune). I was driving home the other night and one of my favorite songs came on, 4 Non Blondes "What's Up". I started singing as loud as I could. I pretty sure the guy driving next to me was laughing hysterically at me. I remember my dad having me listen to Steppenwolf  "Magic Carpet Ride" when I was young while running errands. I guess it's a good thing I didn't understand the meaning of the song because I'm pretty sure it's not talking about a carpet ride like in the movie "Aladdin".