We took our much needed vacation to Destin, FL this past week. It was great. We had lots of great family time. We started our journey on Friday night after Jay got off work. We made it into Alabama and decided it was time to stop. We got their Saturday and pretty much got to the condo, went to dinner, Walmart and to bed! Sunday and Monday were spent at the beach and pool. Liam wasn't real sure what to think about the beach. He doesn't like being messy so the sand was a little frustrating for him since it was always sticking to him! The water was a little cool so we didn't get a lot of time at the ocean. Liam took his nap and then we tried the pool. The condo had a great pool and setup. He seemed to like it better than the ocean but still wasn't real sure about it. On Tuesday we spent the day at the outlet malls shopping. Wednesday, we went to the zoo near Pensacola. It was great! I highly recommend to anyone going in this area. You could feed so many of the animals! It wasn't a huge zoo but a great time. Thursday and Friday were back to the pool and ocean. The more time we spent in the water the more Liam liked it. We started heading home Saturday and got home on Sunday. Lots of fun times and great memories. Jay got to spend lots of time with Liam which was good because he doesn't get a lot of it when we're home. He's been working more hours and then the 45 minute drive home doesn't leave a lot of time before Liam is in bed between 7 or 7:30p. One night Jay had Liam giggling so hard. I was dying laughing and loving every minute.
The condo had a full kitchen so we ate almost all breakfast and lunches there. Even though it was vacation and we were cooking it was okay because the condo had a dishwasher! A luxury we don't have at home! It was great! We had a view of the ocean from our condo even though it wasn't directly on the beach. When Liam was napping I was usually sat out on the balcony reading while Jay was down at the pool (he has to be active or goes nuts!). I read a book in two days! Something I hadn't done since being pregnant. I started another book and trying to finish it. I almost finished a bottle of wine in a week. I didn't care if I had makeup on. And I actually felt okay wearing a bathing suit! It was a great week!
We're now back home and reality is setting back in. Sadly, it's not a good reality right now. We found out at the end of April that Jay's dad has jaw cancer. Unfortunately, it's worse than they first expected so he has to go to Indy for surgery. His surgery is scheduled for June 7th. Jay is taking off work and will be up there with his mom and dad for the first 4 days. He's dad will be in the hospital for 7-10 days. It's been crazy trying realize what is going on...again... Jay's mom had a massive rare brain tumor removed 5 years ago. So needless to say it sucks we're here again. He's dad could definitely use prayers as he is in pain now and this surgery is going to be crazy intense. We're suppose to go to Brown County with my family June 15th but it looks like Jay will need to be with his family (which is way more important) and help his parents get back home. God got us through it before so we'll do it again with Him by our side.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Liam's 1st year!
Our little monkey boy is turning 1! How crazy! It seems like within the last month he has started doing so many new things. He's waving now, blowing kisses, he'll pick up my cell phone and act like he's talking on it, pointing and "grunting" at things and so much more. He hasn't shown any signs of wanting to walk just yet. I think he knows he faster at crawling than walking! He's birthday party is tomorrow at my parents house. I didn't go with any themes but focused on colors and the number 1. Angie helped me make decorations with her cricut (fancy thing for scrape booking). I ran all over town today to buy things for tomorrow. It wasn't much of a day off since I was non stop going from 6-4pm but I know it'll be super fun tomorrow. Liam's birthday is next Wednesday so I plan on taking a half day from work and taking him to the zoo. We bought family passes for the year. I figure it gives us a reason to go outside and for me to exercise! We went on Easter and Liam seem to really enjoy it.
One more month and we're on vacation!! I have to say I am really in need of this vacation. Work is going to get crazy for me in the next couple months and Jay has been working 10 hour days. I am looking forward to some lazy days at the pool and beach. We had a mini test run of Liam doing a road trip. Me and Jacque went to visit our friend Michele and her kids in St. Louis about a month ago. Liam did great in the car. We plan on breaking up the drive so I feel pretty good about him being able to handle the car ride.
It seems like all our weekends are booked up till the end of May. I've got a "touch down/victory dance" over night trip planned with Angie the last weekend of this month. I'm celebrating that I breast fed for a year! We're going to a wine festival in Nashville, IN. I love going to Brown County so I am really looking forward to going and getting to spend time with Angie and trying some new wines out! We go back in June with my family which is always entertaining and fun.
It's been fun looking back at this last year and seeing how our lives have changed so much. It's been challenging at times but I can say without a doubt it's been completely worth every hour of sleep lost, spit up continuously on my shirts, getting peed and pooped on, and the crying (both Liam and I's). Jay and I will still say to each other, "Can you believe we have a kid?!?!?" "Can you believe we made him??". It's been a fun ride so far!
One more month and we're on vacation!! I have to say I am really in need of this vacation. Work is going to get crazy for me in the next couple months and Jay has been working 10 hour days. I am looking forward to some lazy days at the pool and beach. We had a mini test run of Liam doing a road trip. Me and Jacque went to visit our friend Michele and her kids in St. Louis about a month ago. Liam did great in the car. We plan on breaking up the drive so I feel pretty good about him being able to handle the car ride.
It seems like all our weekends are booked up till the end of May. I've got a "touch down/victory dance" over night trip planned with Angie the last weekend of this month. I'm celebrating that I breast fed for a year! We're going to a wine festival in Nashville, IN. I love going to Brown County so I am really looking forward to going and getting to spend time with Angie and trying some new wines out! We go back in June with my family which is always entertaining and fun.
It's been fun looking back at this last year and seeing how our lives have changed so much. It's been challenging at times but I can say without a doubt it's been completely worth every hour of sleep lost, spit up continuously on my shirts, getting peed and pooped on, and the crying (both Liam and I's). Jay and I will still say to each other, "Can you believe we have a kid?!?!?" "Can you believe we made him??". It's been a fun ride so far!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Oh where has the time gone??
I didn't intend to neglect the blog like I have. Time is flying by and precious. I originally created this blog to keep my best friend, who is in Africa, up to date on Mr. Liam. Sorry, Katie! I'll try to do a better job!
Liam is 10 months! CRAZY! People always told us how it will fly by when having a kid, I thought people we're telling us something we didn't already know. It is crazy how it seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital with a 7.5lb infant and now I've got an 18lb little man crawling all over me and keeping me on my toes. It seems like I walk into work Monday morning thinking, "I can't wait till the weekend to hang out with my boys" and the next day it's Friday at 4pm.
Breast feeding has been a challenge these last two months. Once Liam started sleeping through the night and eating solids my supply dropped. Everyone tells you how it can be hard in the beginning and just stick to it. I think this has been way harder than breastfeeding the first month. I didn't realize my supply would possibly drop because of him sleeping so long and eating baby food. So I've had to make some adjustments. Here's what I've had to do:
7am feed before work, possibly pump once I get to work depending if he nursed well
11am go over to daycare and nurse
3pm pump at work
7pm nurse him
10-10:30pm pump before bed
2-2:30am get up and pump
Yep, that's right I'm back to be being sleep deprived. I started the middle of the night pumping in mid-Feb. I realized my supply had gone up a little bit but still needed more. During Liam's 9 month appointment the doctor was concern because his height and weight were dropping off so she wanted me to give him a bottle of breast milk after I nursed to make sure he was getting a full feeding. So not only do I have to pump enough for Liam's one bottle at daycare but also 3oz after his feedings as well. I've lost it a few times with all of this. Jay has been my amazing support. I don't think I could get through this if I didn't have him pushing me through. I've also used the Lactation Consultants at the Women's hospital a ton. I also started using a vitamin supplement to help increase my supply and it's help a lot too. I'm sure you are asking, "Why not switch over to formula and save your sanity?" . Most of my co-workers believe I am so sleep deprived that I can't think logically anymore :) My answer is I made a goal for myself to get to a year and I am set on it. If you know me well, you know I am a stubborn red head and once I get my mind set on something that is how it's going to be. That is not always one of my best traits. I have absolutely nothing against formula or those that choose to use it. Again, if you know me well, you know I am praying Liam has all his fingers and toes and limbs by his first birthday, I still have no clue as to what I am doing sometimes! But I do know that I want to breast feed for a year. I will say I think I am trying to prove to myself that I can be a full time working mom and do this. We have less than two months to go and I can sacrifice a little sleep to get to this goal!
Liam is doing so many things now. The newest is cruising. He will push and walk with a toy in hand. I had to go buy a toy he could stand and push yesterday. His teacher, Ms Eva, has taught him "besitos". She is from Costa Rica and teaching him a little Spanish. If you say besitos or give me besitos he will open his mouth and give you kisses. You have to watch out because you might get some tongue too.
Teeth are another big thing. He got his two bottom teeth two days after Christmas. Now we are working on the two top ones. I loath teething. Mainly because I get bit while nursing. Ouch!! He has gotten a lot better with some stern No's.
In a couple weeks we are going to take a road trip with my friend Jacque to visit our friend Michele. I am looking forward to it but a little nervous at the same time. We haven't been on a road trip since he was two months. But this will be a good practice run since we go on vacation in May to Destin, FL. I am ready for the beach and fun in the sun!!
Liam is 10 months! CRAZY! People always told us how it will fly by when having a kid, I thought people we're telling us something we didn't already know. It is crazy how it seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital with a 7.5lb infant and now I've got an 18lb little man crawling all over me and keeping me on my toes. It seems like I walk into work Monday morning thinking, "I can't wait till the weekend to hang out with my boys" and the next day it's Friday at 4pm.
Breast feeding has been a challenge these last two months. Once Liam started sleeping through the night and eating solids my supply dropped. Everyone tells you how it can be hard in the beginning and just stick to it. I think this has been way harder than breastfeeding the first month. I didn't realize my supply would possibly drop because of him sleeping so long and eating baby food. So I've had to make some adjustments. Here's what I've had to do:
7am feed before work, possibly pump once I get to work depending if he nursed well
11am go over to daycare and nurse
3pm pump at work
7pm nurse him
10-10:30pm pump before bed
2-2:30am get up and pump
Yep, that's right I'm back to be being sleep deprived. I started the middle of the night pumping in mid-Feb. I realized my supply had gone up a little bit but still needed more. During Liam's 9 month appointment the doctor was concern because his height and weight were dropping off so she wanted me to give him a bottle of breast milk after I nursed to make sure he was getting a full feeding. So not only do I have to pump enough for Liam's one bottle at daycare but also 3oz after his feedings as well. I've lost it a few times with all of this. Jay has been my amazing support. I don't think I could get through this if I didn't have him pushing me through. I've also used the Lactation Consultants at the Women's hospital a ton. I also started using a vitamin supplement to help increase my supply and it's help a lot too. I'm sure you are asking, "Why not switch over to formula and save your sanity?" . Most of my co-workers believe I am so sleep deprived that I can't think logically anymore :) My answer is I made a goal for myself to get to a year and I am set on it. If you know me well, you know I am a stubborn red head and once I get my mind set on something that is how it's going to be. That is not always one of my best traits. I have absolutely nothing against formula or those that choose to use it. Again, if you know me well, you know I am praying Liam has all his fingers and toes and limbs by his first birthday, I still have no clue as to what I am doing sometimes! But I do know that I want to breast feed for a year. I will say I think I am trying to prove to myself that I can be a full time working mom and do this. We have less than two months to go and I can sacrifice a little sleep to get to this goal!
Liam is doing so many things now. The newest is cruising. He will push and walk with a toy in hand. I had to go buy a toy he could stand and push yesterday. His teacher, Ms Eva, has taught him "besitos". She is from Costa Rica and teaching him a little Spanish. If you say besitos or give me besitos he will open his mouth and give you kisses. You have to watch out because you might get some tongue too.
Teeth are another big thing. He got his two bottom teeth two days after Christmas. Now we are working on the two top ones. I loath teething. Mainly because I get bit while nursing. Ouch!! He has gotten a lot better with some stern No's.
In a couple weeks we are going to take a road trip with my friend Jacque to visit our friend Michele. I am looking forward to it but a little nervous at the same time. We haven't been on a road trip since he was two months. But this will be a good practice run since we go on vacation in May to Destin, FL. I am ready for the beach and fun in the sun!!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Soo tired but worth it!
I'm a tired momma! But that's to be expected I guess! Liam decided he wanted to do 2 hour feedings last night. Amazing how and hour to hour and half makes such a difference with sleep. It seems like a lot has been going on but I think it's because all my days are running together.
We had Liam's 1 month check up. Everything is going well. He's 9lbs 8oz and 23 inches long. He's in the 97th percentile for his height. We are going to start seeing a Urologist because his left testicle hasn't descended yet. It's in the canal and the doctor was able to feel it and grab it (ouch!) but not where it needs to be yet. Hopefully it will descend on its own but if not it will require a small procedure. He had a bad rash and I felt bad when we saw Dr. Bohleber. I thought it was baby acne but come to find out it was a yeast rash. Oops! I'm finding I am not a mom that freaks out about every little thing (surprisingly!) and this was one thing I just wrote off. We got some ointment and he is all cleared up now.
Liam is officially sleeping in his crib. I swore I wasn't going to do the bassinet because our house is so small and he wasn't going to be that far away from us anyways. But when I got home from the hospital my hormones were going crazy and Jay went out and bought us one. I finally decided it was time to move to the crib. As I said he is probably 20 ft (if that) away from us. Also, I was having to get up and take him in his room to nurse because I change his diaper and my rocker is in there. So it really wasn't like him sleeping in our room was allowing me to minimize us moving around. Also, he is starting to make all kinds of noises, especially when he sleeps. And daddy snores...at least I can hit him to stop. There were all kinds of noise going on and I need to get some sleep :)
We've introduced a bottle. I've started pumping in the morning and then if we give him a bottle I'll pump then as well. I wanted to get him use to a bottle in preparation for me going back to work. He didn't like it the first time, but he was overly hungry and just not having it. The second time we tried we made sure to try before his feeding time and he did great! Huge relief for me!! We also introduced the paci. I have mixed emotions on it. I think about all the stories I hear about trying to wean kids off pacifiers and I'd like to avoid it. I may try to take the paci away between 4-6 months and try to get him to use a blanket or something else to sooth himself.
I'm doing pretty well with this new life. I miss adult interaction though!! Jay has had to work 2 weeks of 2nd/3rd shift and it really kills me. I also miss "me" time. However, I've got a deal with Jay that I get to go shopping Friday afternoon by myself while he takes Liam. I haven't had this opportunity since Liam was born with the exception of running to the doctor or grocery store really quick. I know "me" time isn't something that is going to happen as often but Jay and I are pretty good at recognizing when we both need a break. Also, Jay and I get to go on our first date this weekend. Probably just dinner but I look forward to it. One thing I've always heard is after you have a child is to make sure you put your marriage first. I really appreciate that and want to make sure we do.
We had newborn and family pictures done a couple weekends ago. We had Catchlight photography take the pictures. They came to the house and did them for us. It was a huge help that they came to the house. I'm so happy with the pictures. Liam did pretty good. I got peed on but that's to be expected when you've got a naked boy in your hands! Here's the link to the proofs: http://www.catchlightphotographyonline.com/Client-Proofing/Baby-Liam/17216905_dqvrc5#1306352263_BZ7NfN4
Time for sleep...until Liam wakes for the next feeding :)
We had Liam's 1 month check up. Everything is going well. He's 9lbs 8oz and 23 inches long. He's in the 97th percentile for his height. We are going to start seeing a Urologist because his left testicle hasn't descended yet. It's in the canal and the doctor was able to feel it and grab it (ouch!) but not where it needs to be yet. Hopefully it will descend on its own but if not it will require a small procedure. He had a bad rash and I felt bad when we saw Dr. Bohleber. I thought it was baby acne but come to find out it was a yeast rash. Oops! I'm finding I am not a mom that freaks out about every little thing (surprisingly!) and this was one thing I just wrote off. We got some ointment and he is all cleared up now.
Liam is officially sleeping in his crib. I swore I wasn't going to do the bassinet because our house is so small and he wasn't going to be that far away from us anyways. But when I got home from the hospital my hormones were going crazy and Jay went out and bought us one. I finally decided it was time to move to the crib. As I said he is probably 20 ft (if that) away from us. Also, I was having to get up and take him in his room to nurse because I change his diaper and my rocker is in there. So it really wasn't like him sleeping in our room was allowing me to minimize us moving around. Also, he is starting to make all kinds of noises, especially when he sleeps. And daddy snores...at least I can hit him to stop. There were all kinds of noise going on and I need to get some sleep :)
We've introduced a bottle. I've started pumping in the morning and then if we give him a bottle I'll pump then as well. I wanted to get him use to a bottle in preparation for me going back to work. He didn't like it the first time, but he was overly hungry and just not having it. The second time we tried we made sure to try before his feeding time and he did great! Huge relief for me!! We also introduced the paci. I have mixed emotions on it. I think about all the stories I hear about trying to wean kids off pacifiers and I'd like to avoid it. I may try to take the paci away between 4-6 months and try to get him to use a blanket or something else to sooth himself.
I'm doing pretty well with this new life. I miss adult interaction though!! Jay has had to work 2 weeks of 2nd/3rd shift and it really kills me. I also miss "me" time. However, I've got a deal with Jay that I get to go shopping Friday afternoon by myself while he takes Liam. I haven't had this opportunity since Liam was born with the exception of running to the doctor or grocery store really quick. I know "me" time isn't something that is going to happen as often but Jay and I are pretty good at recognizing when we both need a break. Also, Jay and I get to go on our first date this weekend. Probably just dinner but I look forward to it. One thing I've always heard is after you have a child is to make sure you put your marriage first. I really appreciate that and want to make sure we do.
We had newborn and family pictures done a couple weekends ago. We had Catchlight photography take the pictures. They came to the house and did them for us. It was a huge help that they came to the house. I'm so happy with the pictures. Liam did pretty good. I got peed on but that's to be expected when you've got a naked boy in your hands! Here's the link to the proofs: http://www.catchlightphotographyonline.com/Client-Proofing/Baby-Liam/17216905_dqvrc5#1306352263_BZ7NfN4
Time for sleep...until Liam wakes for the next feeding :)
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Liam is here!
Liam is a month old today! Time really does fly by when you have kids. Time already seemed to be flying by but now it's been sped up by 10! I thought I'd share Liam's birth story. I found strength I never thought I had!
It all started on Saturday, April 16th. I thought I had been leaking amniotic fluid but wasn't really sure. It wasn't like I was having that gushing feeling so I kinda wrote it off that evening and went to bed. I woke up Sunday morning and was eating breakfast, getting ready for church and I was still having that leaking feeling. I woke up Jay and told him (yes, I am bad and didn't tell him the night before). He told me to call the doctor on call and see what they say. I got Dr. Ramsey and she said to be safe I should go to triage and have it checked out. I went to go tell Jay we were going to the hospital and I broke out in sobs of tears. Everything suddenly became reality that this kid was going to come out! He calmed me down and we got our bags and headed to the hospital. They did this first test to see if I was leaking fluid and the nurse said "it's mostly negative" but we'll do another test to make sure. At this point Jay and I think we're going home and started planning our day. Jay was going to play drums and get a fix in :). They did the next test and it was positive! The nurse comes in and says "you're going to have a baby today". WHAT!!?? I just had planned out my day, what do you mean I'm having a baby! I had tested positive for Group B Strep so I immediately got a bag of antibiotics so it would not pass to Liam when he was born. I wasn't having contractions just leaking so I got the dreaded drug pitocin. I really wasn't too excited about this. I wasn't dilated very much and my cervix was still pretty thick. I didn't get contractions until about 3pm and then it sucked! The pitocin made them so strong and back to back. I tried to hold off on and pain med or the epidural as long as I could. I first just took some pain meds but that didn't do anything for me. So about 5pm I got my epidural and then I was great! I got to nap and Jay got to watch the NBA playoffs. At 11pm I was fully dilated and got to start pushing. I pushed until Liam was born at 3:24am on April 18th. He was sunny side up instead of facing down so getting him out was a little bit more difficult. Dr. Ramsey ended up using the vacuum and forceps to help him out. At one point Dr. Ramsey said "you're going to have to push harder than that". Jay immediately started coaching me because he knew I had been pushing for 3 hours at this point and been working my tail off. I think he was afraid I might give her my thoughts in a not so nice way. But it really didn't bother me, it was that final push I needed to give it all I had. Jay was really concerned I was going to end up in a c-section because how long I had pushed. But Dr. Ramsey came in and saw how hard I was trying and tried the forceps instead. I still remember when Liam finally came out they went to show him to me and I had my eyes closed shut! They had to tell me to open them and look at him. I don't know if I was scared to see my new reality or I was just so exhausted from pushing. Liam had a cone head from me pushing on him for 3+ hours. He still has some marks on his head from it. He was 7.5 lbs and 20.5 inches long. Jay has some other funny stories about his birth but I'll let him tell them.
While I was getting stitched and cleaned up, Jay was taking pictures and got to hold him. Liam came out ready to eat! He's like his daddy! He was rooting and looking for some food. Jay was funny and said, "you need to get her cleaned up quick, he's ready to eat!". He is great at breastfeeding! He immediately latched on and went to town. I used the lactation consultants a ton while I was in the hospital. By the time we left I felt really good about it. He's been doing great! He's gaining weight and eats every 2-3 hours. He went through a growth spurt and went from 7lbs 12oz to 8lbs 11oz in less than a week.
It's pretty cool being a mom, exhausting at times but still great. I love seeing how he changes every day. He makes the greatest faces and starting to make funny sounds.I love my little wiggle worm!
It all started on Saturday, April 16th. I thought I had been leaking amniotic fluid but wasn't really sure. It wasn't like I was having that gushing feeling so I kinda wrote it off that evening and went to bed. I woke up Sunday morning and was eating breakfast, getting ready for church and I was still having that leaking feeling. I woke up Jay and told him (yes, I am bad and didn't tell him the night before). He told me to call the doctor on call and see what they say. I got Dr. Ramsey and she said to be safe I should go to triage and have it checked out. I went to go tell Jay we were going to the hospital and I broke out in sobs of tears. Everything suddenly became reality that this kid was going to come out! He calmed me down and we got our bags and headed to the hospital. They did this first test to see if I was leaking fluid and the nurse said "it's mostly negative" but we'll do another test to make sure. At this point Jay and I think we're going home and started planning our day. Jay was going to play drums and get a fix in :). They did the next test and it was positive! The nurse comes in and says "you're going to have a baby today". WHAT!!?? I just had planned out my day, what do you mean I'm having a baby! I had tested positive for Group B Strep so I immediately got a bag of antibiotics so it would not pass to Liam when he was born. I wasn't having contractions just leaking so I got the dreaded drug pitocin. I really wasn't too excited about this. I wasn't dilated very much and my cervix was still pretty thick. I didn't get contractions until about 3pm and then it sucked! The pitocin made them so strong and back to back. I tried to hold off on and pain med or the epidural as long as I could. I first just took some pain meds but that didn't do anything for me. So about 5pm I got my epidural and then I was great! I got to nap and Jay got to watch the NBA playoffs. At 11pm I was fully dilated and got to start pushing. I pushed until Liam was born at 3:24am on April 18th. He was sunny side up instead of facing down so getting him out was a little bit more difficult. Dr. Ramsey ended up using the vacuum and forceps to help him out. At one point Dr. Ramsey said "you're going to have to push harder than that". Jay immediately started coaching me because he knew I had been pushing for 3 hours at this point and been working my tail off. I think he was afraid I might give her my thoughts in a not so nice way. But it really didn't bother me, it was that final push I needed to give it all I had. Jay was really concerned I was going to end up in a c-section because how long I had pushed. But Dr. Ramsey came in and saw how hard I was trying and tried the forceps instead. I still remember when Liam finally came out they went to show him to me and I had my eyes closed shut! They had to tell me to open them and look at him. I don't know if I was scared to see my new reality or I was just so exhausted from pushing. Liam had a cone head from me pushing on him for 3+ hours. He still has some marks on his head from it. He was 7.5 lbs and 20.5 inches long. Jay has some other funny stories about his birth but I'll let him tell them.
While I was getting stitched and cleaned up, Jay was taking pictures and got to hold him. Liam came out ready to eat! He's like his daddy! He was rooting and looking for some food. Jay was funny and said, "you need to get her cleaned up quick, he's ready to eat!". He is great at breastfeeding! He immediately latched on and went to town. I used the lactation consultants a ton while I was in the hospital. By the time we left I felt really good about it. He's been doing great! He's gaining weight and eats every 2-3 hours. He went through a growth spurt and went from 7lbs 12oz to 8lbs 11oz in less than a week.
It's pretty cool being a mom, exhausting at times but still great. I love seeing how he changes every day. He makes the greatest faces and starting to make funny sounds.I love my little wiggle worm!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
In the home stretch!
I am 38 weeks 6 days today. We had a doctor appointment yesterday and found out I am 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced. It came with mixed emotions. First, I was in shock and I think my first thought was "holy crap". Second, I'm nervous as I've been this whole pregnancy. Third, I was excited. I really love my doctor. She's been really great about "playing the game" with me as she says. We really don't want an induction or c-section so she's letting me go as far as 1 week after my due date to have him. After that we get to have another chat. So we're happy with how everything is going so far.
Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited and ready. I always feel bad when people ask me this because I can't say I am over the moon excited. I'm scared out of my mind! I've said it before, labor doesn't scare me (as much), but I am scared about after the fact. I have a few things I've told Jay I am most worry about. He shares the whole anxiety about not having the first clue as to what we're doing. Everyone says we'll be great parents, I joke if we don't break this one, we'll talk about having a second one. My next worry is for me and postpartum. I know the "baby blues" will probably happen but because I was diagnosed with depression as a kid (I still don't think that is 100% correct) and I deal with anxiety on a regular basis I really fear postpartum is going to get a hold of me. I tell myself everyday worrying gets you no where but when with anxiety it will consume me some days and I really have to fight it. So this is what I have to keep telling myself as we face this new chapter in life:
Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited and ready. I always feel bad when people ask me this because I can't say I am over the moon excited. I'm scared out of my mind! I've said it before, labor doesn't scare me (as much), but I am scared about after the fact. I have a few things I've told Jay I am most worry about. He shares the whole anxiety about not having the first clue as to what we're doing. Everyone says we'll be great parents, I joke if we don't break this one, we'll talk about having a second one. My next worry is for me and postpartum. I know the "baby blues" will probably happen but because I was diagnosed with depression as a kid (I still don't think that is 100% correct) and I deal with anxiety on a regular basis I really fear postpartum is going to get a hold of me. I tell myself everyday worrying gets you no where but when with anxiety it will consume me some days and I really have to fight it. So this is what I have to keep telling myself as we face this new chapter in life:
Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Less than 11 weeks to go...
Time has been moving way too fast for me. Liam will be here before we know it! I have to say this probably won't be one of my more cheerful blogs. I've run into my anxiety face first and I am trying to brush it off but it isn't happening. I keep telling Jay, "Only 15 more weeks, 13 more weeks, now only 11 weeks and our little man will be here". People keep asking if I am anxious about labor and honestly that doesn't scare me one bit. I know what to expect from it, it's going to hurt. I can deal with physical pain. It's the having a child that we are responsible for that scares the crap out of me. People keep telling me, "You'll be fine, all a baby needs is a place to sleep, food, and your love". Honestly, that doesn't make me feel any better, if anything it kinda ticks me off. Most people know a first time parent is one of the most nerve racking things. You're responsible for this little life, you are responsible for trying to not to screw them up too much! I'm trying to read books and prepare myself on the basic necessities...how to bath him, trim his finger nails, care for his umbilical cord, circumcision etc... It's a lot to take in. I know none of these feelings are unique to just me or our pregnancy but it just sucks trying to prepare for something that you have no way to really prepare for. Yep, I'm a control freak.
Breast feeding is becoming one of my top five things to be anxious about. I really want to breast feed for the first year. I know it's going to be challenging with me being a full time working mom. It will be better for him, better for me, cost saving and so the list goes on. I've really been trying to read up on everything I can about it. I think I worry most that I won't be able to push myself to stick it out when it gets tough. I worry I'll get selfish and give up on it and I'll end up disappointing myself. Jay and I are taking a class at the Women's Hospital at the end of the month so maybe this will move down my list of things to be anxious about.
I'm really anxious about how Jay and I are going to make room for Liam in our small house. We made the decision not to move and I don't regret it (well, not completely). Our house is about 930 sq ft and no closet space. I kinda feel like we are the clowns at the circus that try to fit 20 clowns into a VW bug. We've taken lots of things to Goodwill and I still have plenty more to take. Liam's room is going to be a tight fit with only a dresser, crib, and rocking chair in it. Yes, I know newborns don't need a lot or take up much room. BUT you have to remember this is the first grandchild on both sides of our family. This kid is going to have more stuff than Michael Jackson's kids (might be a little exaggeration but not far from it). I've already had to tell my mom I wasn't bringing something home that she bought for him and it was staying at grandma's house. We've been trying to figure out what we're going to do about a dresser for Liam's room. I decided not to get the one that matches the crib at Babies R Us because they are small. Unfortunately, I will have to put some of my stuff in his dresser because we have NO closet space and small bedrooms. We found a dresser we liked but once we started measuring out Liam's room and where everything would go we soon realized his room will be a tight space. I immediately got frustrated and bring on the anxiety. Jay was trying to make me feel better and tell me this was temporary, we know we're going to move in the next two or three years and so on. But thinking about having to sell and buy a house just made me more anxious.
One of the most non beautiful things about being pregnant is the hormones. Again nothing enlightening but so true. I've not slept well the last couple nights and my hormones are coming out. I think I've been great through out my pregnancy and haven't had any of the ragging hormones I hear some people talk about. I feel like a combination of a 13 year old teenage girl, a 3 year old that hasn't had their nap, and a 80 year old disgruntle women. I HATE it.
Okay, I know this hasn't been a cheerful blog. I will end with some things that I absolutely love about pregnancy. I love getting to feel him move. Liam is a wiggle worm. He makes me laugh when I am in meetings (most people pass it off that I've lost my mind during this pregnancy) and I can see my belly jumping and moving. I love getting to lay on Jay and we watch my belly shift and turn and talk to him. I love getting to read to Liam. I've been reading "Horton Hears a Who". I look forward to getting to curl up with my little wiggle worm and read to him. I love getting to give him "music lessons" while in the womb. When I am running errands I will put a CD of one of my favorite bands and will sing and jam. Jay hopes Liam will play keyboard, guitar, or bass guitar. He wants to be able to jam with him. I love getting to think about what traits of mine and Jay's he will have. I pray he gets Jay's metabolism but not his picky eating habits. I hope he gets my nose but not my red hair. I hope he gets both of our sense of humor. Jay and I are two of the most goofy people when we're together. But I hope Liam gets Jay's outgoing personality. I'm an introvert and pray he doesn't have to deal with my social anxiety.
I know in the end everything will be fine and I have to give up control on everything I worry about. I know worrying gets me no where and I am more blessed than I ever deserve. Somedays it's just harder to have the cheerful outlook and easier to kick and pout :)
Breast feeding is becoming one of my top five things to be anxious about. I really want to breast feed for the first year. I know it's going to be challenging with me being a full time working mom. It will be better for him, better for me, cost saving and so the list goes on. I've really been trying to read up on everything I can about it. I think I worry most that I won't be able to push myself to stick it out when it gets tough. I worry I'll get selfish and give up on it and I'll end up disappointing myself. Jay and I are taking a class at the Women's Hospital at the end of the month so maybe this will move down my list of things to be anxious about.
I'm really anxious about how Jay and I are going to make room for Liam in our small house. We made the decision not to move and I don't regret it (well, not completely). Our house is about 930 sq ft and no closet space. I kinda feel like we are the clowns at the circus that try to fit 20 clowns into a VW bug. We've taken lots of things to Goodwill and I still have plenty more to take. Liam's room is going to be a tight fit with only a dresser, crib, and rocking chair in it. Yes, I know newborns don't need a lot or take up much room. BUT you have to remember this is the first grandchild on both sides of our family. This kid is going to have more stuff than Michael Jackson's kids (might be a little exaggeration but not far from it). I've already had to tell my mom I wasn't bringing something home that she bought for him and it was staying at grandma's house. We've been trying to figure out what we're going to do about a dresser for Liam's room. I decided not to get the one that matches the crib at Babies R Us because they are small. Unfortunately, I will have to put some of my stuff in his dresser because we have NO closet space and small bedrooms. We found a dresser we liked but once we started measuring out Liam's room and where everything would go we soon realized his room will be a tight space. I immediately got frustrated and bring on the anxiety. Jay was trying to make me feel better and tell me this was temporary, we know we're going to move in the next two or three years and so on. But thinking about having to sell and buy a house just made me more anxious.
One of the most non beautiful things about being pregnant is the hormones. Again nothing enlightening but so true. I've not slept well the last couple nights and my hormones are coming out. I think I've been great through out my pregnancy and haven't had any of the ragging hormones I hear some people talk about. I feel like a combination of a 13 year old teenage girl, a 3 year old that hasn't had their nap, and a 80 year old disgruntle women. I HATE it.
Okay, I know this hasn't been a cheerful blog. I will end with some things that I absolutely love about pregnancy. I love getting to feel him move. Liam is a wiggle worm. He makes me laugh when I am in meetings (most people pass it off that I've lost my mind during this pregnancy) and I can see my belly jumping and moving. I love getting to lay on Jay and we watch my belly shift and turn and talk to him. I love getting to read to Liam. I've been reading "Horton Hears a Who". I look forward to getting to curl up with my little wiggle worm and read to him. I love getting to give him "music lessons" while in the womb. When I am running errands I will put a CD of one of my favorite bands and will sing and jam. Jay hopes Liam will play keyboard, guitar, or bass guitar. He wants to be able to jam with him. I love getting to think about what traits of mine and Jay's he will have. I pray he gets Jay's metabolism but not his picky eating habits. I hope he gets my nose but not my red hair. I hope he gets both of our sense of humor. Jay and I are two of the most goofy people when we're together. But I hope Liam gets Jay's outgoing personality. I'm an introvert and pray he doesn't have to deal with my social anxiety.
I know in the end everything will be fine and I have to give up control on everything I worry about. I know worrying gets me no where and I am more blessed than I ever deserve. Somedays it's just harder to have the cheerful outlook and easier to kick and pout :)
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