What a crazy month!

December has been an incredibly busy month! I was the matron of honor in my cousin's wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. I think it brought Angie and I even closer. I've always thought of her like my sister and it was such an honor to get to be a part of her big day.

Once we got through the wedding the focus has been Jay going to Myanmar. Jay is going on a mission trip through our church. There are several orphanages and colleges they sponsor. He's going to be helping with construction and playing drums. The most stressful thing was his packing. He has two large suitcases but they are filled with supplies for the orphans and they are going to be installing some clean water filters (I think). He only had his carry on bag and a backpack. They are flying China Airlines and their carry on can only be 15lbs or else you face some hefty charges. I joke with Jay all the time that he is more high maintenance than I am, seeing  him try to cram all his liquids in a 1 quart bag was entertaining. I'm super excited he gets this opportunity. He knows it's going to be a life changing experience and looks forward to it.

He left today...I'd like to say I didn't cry at the airport but my preggo hormones won't let me. It doesn't help when he gets emotional either! We've never been apart this long. I've had to travel to Wisconsin numerous times for work but never for this length of time. Also, I am not sure how much we will get to communicate. I think that's what makes it the most difficult for me. Jay and I have been married for 4 years and together for 7. We are still attached at the hip and love to be with each other. I always joke that Jay talks way more than me (I'm not really joking) and I will miss that about him, even if some of the times I am not listening fully :P I look forward to hearing all about this trip and his experiences. We both know this trip was God's way of opening his eyes to the world and seeing how God works. I hope I get this experience in the near future and I am excited he gets to go with amazing people.

The baby hasn't been forgotten! How can I with this growing belly!!?? We are pretty much set on the name Liam Eugene. I have hesitations about going and getting anything embroidered with his name or initials because I fear in the 8th month I'll decide I hate it! We call him Liam and talk to him all the time. The middle name was already decided on before we knew the sex. Both our mom's and dad's have the same middle name. Weird right? So it was just a matter of deciding on a first name. I've really been able to feel him move and the kicks are getting stronger. Jay got to feel him move for the first time on the 23rd. His eyes lit up when he felt Liam. He has been so anxious to feel him. I have an ultrasound on Thursday since they weren't able to get all of the baby anatomy scan at the beginning of the month. Hopefully little man will cooperate! I hate that Jay can't be there but I'm glad he was able to be at the one that we found out the sex.

My right hip has decided to be a pain. Although, I can't say it wasn't my own fault. Jay was playing the first weekend of December at church and I went to Sam's while he was playing the second service. I needed bottle water and since I am impatient I picked up a case of bottle water, several times... That's when it started bothering me. Angie and I were at the mall later that week and I thought I was going to get a wheel chair because how much pain I was in. I call my doc and got a referral to physical therapy. My right hip is rotated forward and I've had several visits with a physical therapist. She does deep tissue therapy to loosen my muscles and ligaments and then we re-adjust my hip. It's really helped and I'm hoping I can stop the therapy soon.

One of my biggest struggles has been letting people help me. Jay has been a huge help at home. He'll grab me stuff and do laundry for me since the washer and dryer are in the basement. However, I don't let a lot of other people help me. We were leaving my grandma's Christmas Eve and my mom was trying to help me walk out since it was snowing. I yelled "I'm not disabled, I'm pregnant". I felt really bad later on because she thought she had done something wrong. My dad understands me and my moods pretty well (because I am so much like him!) and explained to her I am struggling with the changes of being pregnant. I absolutely hate the feeling of not being able to take care of myself. I told Jay I am struggling the most with this and his words were "I know and you need to calm down". It's all about how you approach me, yes I am like a 5 year old you have to play mind games with! I'm working on this little issue and realizing I can't do everything I would normally do especially with my hip liking to move it directions it shouldn't!

We have a boy!

We are having a boy! The USD was a lot of fun. Jay was able to take off work and go with me. He was super excited and asking all kinds of questions. The night before the USD we had talked about how we would be kinda disappointed if we found out we were having a girl. Not that we would feel any different about the baby but we knew we wouldn't have a great reaction. When we were driving to the USD we both said we felt like we were on neutral ground and would be happy as long as they were healthy.

It was a lot of fun getting to see this little person and how they are developing and growing. He was curled up, head down, and sitting very low. His head was at my cervix. We didn't get all of the anatomy at this appointment since he was so low. She couldn't get the heart or profile view of his face. I will go back December 30th for another USD. He made it very clear what sex he was. When the tech was showing us she said, "I have to say, I'm impressed". We both died laughing.

I thought it was only appropriate during the USD the radio had "Over My Head" by The Fray playing. I was thinking "Crap, I really am in over my head". As much fun as I had at this USD, it made everything reality. I really have this little person growing in me. He is developing this little personality and I am going to be fully responsible for him and making sure he knows he's loved more than anything. I'm going to have be responsible for taking care of something more than my cat! Time has been moving way too fast. I remember my friend Michele telling me with her first pregnancy time moved so quick and she was taking the full pregnancy to prepare herself but with her second one time wouldn't move fast enough. I feel like I need to be reading all these books and preparing myself but will put it off thinking I have tomorrow to do it and then tomorrow is here and long gone. Time to start being proactive and prepare myself for this life changing experience!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Not a whole lot is going on in Jelly Bean world. I did have the stomach flu this past weekend and thought I was never going to get past it. I'm still feeling some of the affects but much much better. It started Friday night and went through the night to Saturday at 10:30 am. I was a little worried about jelly bean and getting dehydrated. I was having a heck of a time getting liquids to stay down. Finally, got some gatorade to stay down and gradually got better. I did fight a fever Saturday night but broke in the middle of the night. After going through what felt like hell, I have to say I was pretty thankful it all happened on the weekend. I didn't have to take time off work (I'm trying to save as much PTO as I can for maternity leave), we had no major plans going on, and Jay was an excellent care taker.

We're starting the house purging process. Since our house is small we are trying to get rid of as much stuff as we can. It really makes you realize how much junk you have and how fortunate you are to have all this junk. We had the carpets cleaned (one last time before jelly bean can destroy it!) and now we are taking a truck load of furniture to Goodwill. Our front room will turn into an office/den and the office will become jelly bean's room. Lots of trips to Good will in our future!

I think I've started to feel jelly bean moving. Kinda hard to tell when you don't know what it's suppose to feel like. I'm going off what I've read in the books and I keep feeling the fluttering and twinges, so I am guessing that would be movement??? The belly has officially popped! It's so funny to see people's reactions at work. I tend to wear a lot of black and gray at work so it really has covered up any signs of a belly. The other day I was wearing a form fitting maternity shirt and walked by some co-workers and they said "Whoa! Look at that belly!". I still haven't got any comments from strangers asking if I am pregnant. I've already determined I'm a mean pregnant person and will say "No" just to see their reaction.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is already here! So much to be thankful for! Thankful for having the best family and friends you could ask for, a husband that loves my goofy butt (figuratively not literally), a good job, a house, the basic necessities. And of course, Jelly Bean. I never thought we would be expecting so soon but thankful for getting to experience a new adventure. God has blessed me more than I ever deserve and I am not really sure why some days! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am incredibly thankful for all of you!

16w5d

I had my 3rd doctor's appointment yesterday. Jay had the day off to take care of some shots he has to get before going to Myanmar in December so he decided to join me at my appt. Everything is good! I keep having to get lab work done to monitor my thyroid. In the past when I've had physicals done my initial blood work comes back saying my thyroid is abnormal but then I go have the second test done and everything is fine and dandy. Pregnancy has made by thyroid overactive. I haven't needed any treatment, it's not too far out of range but my doc wanted to monitor and it's been gradually getting better. I haven't heard anything about my lab I had done yesterday so I am assuming everything has gone back to normal.

I had completely forgot at my previous appointment that I was told I have type A- blood. This means I will get a shot at 27 weeks. This is to prevent my body from thinking it's allergic to the baby and basically start fighting it. I guess if my blood and the babies blood mix it could be bad for baby. I will get another shot after giving birth in case our blood mixes during delivery. Sounds fun right??

I was pretty sure I was going to get yelled at during my appointment. I've only gained 4lbs total and I was sure I was going to hear about it. But the doc didn't seemed phased by it. I'm amazed because I feel like I've gained 20lbs. The belly has officially popped out. It looks more like a beer gut... When I was at my parent's last weekend I told my dad my belly was starting to look like his! He wasn't amused with me and proceeded to remind me Christmas and my birthday are coming....

We find out what we are having December 2nd. I've had at least a half a dozen people tell me I am having a girl. Their reasonings are the heart beat has been 164 or higher and girls have higher heart rates. Another told me it's because I am carrying so high. I reminded them I am short girl with a short torso so it's not like this baby has any other place to go. Jay and I are hoping for boy. We'll of course be happy with whatever we're having as long as they are happy and healthy. But I want a boy....

Where's jelly bean going to live???

I told Jay the other day, the one thing I am probably most stressed about is where is this baby going to live??? Our 930 sq ft house is barely big enough for the two of us!!! We've talked and discussed and have somewhat of a game plan. The office will be jelly bean's room, the front room will be turned into a den/office. We're going to have to buy some new furniture but very minimal. I'm going to share the closet and a dresser with jelly bean since our house lacks closet space. My goal is start purging the house of things we don't need or use. I gave something to Angie the other night and was excited to start getting rid of junk. We're going to work on the attic and basement and try to maximize the space we have there. Our parent's and family keep asking if we're going to move. I know our house is small but it's a cheap payment and it's helped us build our savings. I know it will be tight but I want to stay here till we absolutely have to leave. I expect it won't be long but we can still make it a couple more years.

I was having a selfish day on Monday. I had to go to Victoria Secret and buy some things for Angie's bachelorette party this weekend. While I was in there I had this thought "I'm not going to be able to look cute in any of this stuff for a long time". I have no idea why I was thinking this because I don't even go in that store unless its Christmas and I buying a gift for someone else. So I started having my pity party and feeling like a fat heifer. I haven't been going to the gym like I told myself I was going to keep up on and starting to come down on myself for not taking better care of myself. Some girls from work quickly reminded me I will be regretting this feeling down the road when I will barely be able to put on my own pants. I went to the gym yesterday and did my cardio and felt better. I actually haven't gained that much weight although I feel 20 lbs heavier.

Everyone keeps reminding me I'll be able to find out what we're having in a few weeks. I can't believe we're already at that point. I've been asked by everyone if we'll find out. I figure I can't control anything in this pregnancy (well not really) but I can control knowing what the sex of the baby is. So yes we'll find out. I don't know if it's because I want all boys but I am convinced it's a boy. We'll see if the "mother's instinct" is right. I can't say I've pre-planned a lot of things but I do have these few details figured out... Jelly bean will go to day care at Deaconess. I am going to breast feed for hopefully the first year. The nice thing about the baby going to day care at Deaconess is I can go over there during my lunch to nurse. Plus I'll have the comfort of knowing they are close to me. I've never questioned if I would breast feed, just one of those things I know I want to do. I'm little nervous about trying to plan it all out around me working full time and the baby having a consistent schedule but I am determined to make it work.

Really, I'm pregnant.????

As of today I am 14w6d pregnant and I am still trying to wrap my brain around being pregnant. I've been very blessed that I haven't had any morning sickness or any other major pregnancy symptoms. I'm very thankful for this but I've really struggled with the idea "Yes, you really are going to have a baby in 6 months". I haven't felt pregnant or been as excited as I feel I should. I know part of it is because I was never one growing up saying "I want to be a mom" but I thought I would be more pumped than I am. I know this is because I'm scared out of my mind and that emotion has taken over me and I am going to have to give up control and take a back seat in all this (which I suck at).
I had a small scary moment at the doctors office last visit. She was trying to find the heart beat and couldn't get it. Me being myself, I automatically assume the worse! She tells me "Don't freak out, Kendra" and I was okay till I walked out the doctors office to go get an USD and I started crying. I was trying to pep talk myself and stop the tears from coming but I think it made it worse. I didn't have Jay or anyone else with me and I felt alone. I know that's not true but at that time that's all I felt. Well come to find out I have an anterior placenta and baby was fine. This was the first time I felt a connection with the baby and was thankful to go through the experience. The jelly bean was kicking and having it's own dance party in my uterus. It made me laugh and I finally got the connection I needed.
I told Jay I've started giving the jelly bean music lessons. When I'm in the car and a good song comes on, I turn up the volume and sing my heart out (and not in tune). I was driving home the other night and one of my favorite songs came on, 4 Non Blondes "What's Up". I started singing as loud as I could. I pretty sure the guy driving next to me was laughing hysterically at me. I remember my dad having me listen to Steppenwolf  "Magic Carpet Ride" when I was young while running errands. I guess it's a good thing I didn't understand the meaning of the song because I'm pretty sure it's not talking about a carpet ride like in the movie "Aladdin".